I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Randomize
