I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
