dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
