some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
