you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
