I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I need a beard to bite.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
