theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
