First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
