i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My feet surprised me
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
