Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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