i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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