these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
