im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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