my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
