I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
