the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
