I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
