I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
