I must be too annoying 4 u.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Randomize
