ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
