Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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