he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
