I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
