sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
