party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
