I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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