I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
