i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
