call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
