Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Holy shit dude........stairs
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