why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
