Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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