i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
