Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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