Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
