A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
