you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
