So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
