Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Randomize
