3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Randomize
