am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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