I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
