if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
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