She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
