they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
