Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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