how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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