You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
