So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
