Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
