Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
