So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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