My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
