i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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