Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
