Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
