i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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