Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
