I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
