2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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