Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
