How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
