Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
