Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize