yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
