what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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