You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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