If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Even the bartender felt bad for me
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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