i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
