My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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