I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize