okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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