it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
