I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
