What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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