You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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