I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
