your parents love me but you hate me
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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