i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
