if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
