I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
