Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I am one with the molecules
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
