do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize