I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
