She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
