I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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