only you would photoshop your dick
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
