i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
