I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
