I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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