last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize