You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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