my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Just puked most of my soul out..
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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