It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
