hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
