I bet he comes in French.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
