I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
