Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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