There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
