Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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