I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
