This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I am available for nakedness
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
