My room smells like vodka and shame
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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