I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
