im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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